Xiong Khee’s Blog

  Finally…… I got my A level result on yesterday morning!!!!! What was my feeling when I’m in the A level department??? Omg….. just 1 word…nervous!!! I had wait it for so long since the day I had finish my exam…..I felt very nervous on Thursday nite….makes me wake up at 7.30am on Friday…..I keep on thinking what will it be…. Good or bad???

  I saw Mr. Yeoh when I step into A level dept…. quite happy to meet him again…. Ai Wei took her result 1^st…. I heard ‘sei lo’ from her…. Omg…. Why sei lo de??? Very bad result??? I didn’t ask her… then mine should be same also, I think….. After telling Dr Yap my candidate no, I heard “ u get very good result” from him….. the 1^st thinking that come to my mind is HUH???!!! Is him talking to me or Pui Leng??? I didn’t saw the result yet at the moment…. 2 A’s n 1 B…. When I look on it probably again…. Oh God!!! Is mine!!! I saw my name there….

  What is my feeling??? Happy…. Definitely!!! 1^st thing I look on my result is my Mechanics and Pure Math 3…. Yes!!! I achieved what I want~~ Then, look at biology….. quite sad to know that my bio get B…. My bio 5 n 6 very low marks!!! Damn it!!! I jz need 70% from each papers then the A is mine…. But I jz got a 50% and 60%!!! What I hav done in those previous papers are jz a waste!!!! Can throw them to the rubbish bin!!! Jz because these two papers, all my dreams gone!!!

Why I was sad??? I want to score A in bio… I want to prove that I can…. But seen like I cannot… why??? Since form 5 I already wanted so much to score in bio… I fail to fulfill it in SPM…. I jz got A2…. I want to try it again in A level… but I fail again!!! I dun dare to tell them bout my sadness coz I know they are more sad compared to me… I dun wish them to misunderstand that I’m showing off….

  I realized that I’m perfectionist!!! Actually, I already expected my bio 5 and 6 are bad from the moment I stepped out from the exam hall…. Know why??? I’m damn silly to ‘predict’ the questions and giv up the last chapter…. The stupid ‘application bout the genetic stuff’ damn it….. this chapter came out a lot of ques this yr… I dunno anything bout it!!! Where are those mendel’s questions??? I’m holding the paper like looking at alien stuff!!! What is all these bloody hell questions??!! Who should I blame on??? Jz myself, rite??? Who ask me to study at last minute??? Why I’m so lazy? Why dun want study but depends on luck??? Why n why?? The only thing that I had realized is miracle won’t work on those lazy bums…. I’m one of them who hope for miracle, but seen like it’s not working on me!!!

  Overall, I quite satisfied with my result…. At least, I got A’s in chemistry and my favourite, math…. At least I didn’t disappointed my math lecturer… I achieve what he wants…. I know he is happy as me when he is looking at my result…. My grandma  also happy and feel proud to it!! Although my parents didn’t say anything on it, but I know they are proud  to me!!! Thanks to those that happy with me!!!

Why I can’t be myself?

Why I can’t be who I want to be?

Why so many things happen in each part of this world?

Why every minute there r something happen in this world?

Why every moment there r some people die in this world?

So many why in my mind but I cant get the answer….

Who am I???

My parents’ 2^nd daughter who do not respect them?

My grandma’s lovely granddaughter?

A cousin who always like to talk jokes or play a fool with them when I happy?

All my relatives’ hope?

If u ask me which I wanna be, I couldn’t answer u coz I dunno which is the ‘real’ me.

I jz wanna be myself! Be a gal called Xiong Khee…

It’s sounds simple but difficult to do it.

When I hav grow up, I realize the difficulty to found happiness in life,

I dunno why, but it’s true!!!

When we hav grow up, we can’t act as children anymore,

We hav to learn to be tough enough to face troubles in life.

Learn to make decisions in life when we are standing at the fork.

Should I choose this or that? Decision making is really difficult.

Everyone say I’m perfectionist, am I???

I jz want all my stuff to be done in my way, is it wrong?

I jz hope that I can achieve what I want and dun want any regret in my life…

I jz want to put efforts on everything that I’m doing so that I wont regret in future..

I jz dun want to be a loser and I hate to be….

Are these call perfectionism???

Someone said that I’m lack of confidence in whatever things that I’m doing…

Am I??!! Yes…. Why I dun trust myself??? I dunno…..

Should I be more confident in all the things that I’m doing?

If I want to success, confidence play an important part? Should we believe in ourselves?

Dun be so confident…. The disappointment is terrible when you are too confident!!!

Everyone say I’m emotional…. Yes I am! So what?

Why everyone keep on telling me to control my emotion?

Why can’t I release my anger or feelings when I feel uncomfortable?

Should I keep silence when I’m down or angry?

Why can’t give me a chance to express my feelings?

I’m emotional… So??!! I jz want to be MYSELF….

I jz want to shout out my feelings when I feel unhappy, anything wrong with it?

I dun wish to change my personality, I refuse to change it!

Someone said that I’m rude….. Yes I am! So??!!!

they complained that I like to speak ‘bad’ words #%$\@#$%……

they say I’m very rude and impolite…..So what??!!

What’s wrong with saying those words??? Dun tell me u didn’t spoke it before!

If u think that I’m rude, pls go away from me since u think that u r so “high educated”!!!

Anyway, I won’t stop u from becoming an “angel”!

Someone said that I like to blame everything….Am I?

Yes… I like to blame everything except myself….

I always excuse myself when I done mistakes…but I can’t treat others in the same way..

Why I like to criticize and blame the world?

Am I have this personality since the day I was born? Or influenced by the environment?

Why the only one that I could blame is myself when the unexpected happened?

Why I shouldn’t blame anyone? Are u sure it’s all my faults?

Is it all my responsibilities?

Someone said that I’m an ambitious gal…. Am I???

Someone said that I ‘should’ have a great ambition and encourage me to achieve it..

Should I follow what u say? Why u so ‘sure’ bout it while myself dun have any idea?

Till now I still dunno what I actually want!!! Should I choose the toughest?

Can I overcome all these hardships? Is it what I really want???

Should I choose it jz becoz I want to stand on the peak?

Everyone told me that I should just follow my heart…. Follow what I want….

But …. I really dunno what I want…. I have no idea at all!!!

Someone advise me to control my emotions….Why should I do so?

Is it good for me??? Maybe….

I can’t achieve my goal if I refuse to change my personality?

If the answer is TRUE…. I’ll definitely let go my dreams….

I refuse to change….I jz want to be myself….

Nothing can change ME from being MYSELF…..

朋友的定义是什么？
为什么人一定要朋友？是害怕寂寞吗？还是怕孤独？
有太多的疑问在我脑海里无法揭开，

但很遗憾的是没有人能回答我。

要到几时我才能领悟和了解呢？我不晓得。

什么是朋友？

朋友是一个我所认识而他也同时认识我的人，

他可以是和我有血缘关系的人

或着毫无关系的陌生人，但我们相识在某一个时间和地点，

但是不是彼此相识就是朋友了呢？我不知道。

朋友有很多等级或阶级吗？

朋友可以是连普通朋友都不是的朋友，普通朋友，常常一同玩耍的朋友，

只有在我有烦恼时才出现的朋友，交心的朋友，好朋友，挚友，知己。

人人说我有很多朋友，是吗？常常自问我有很多朋友吗？

但为什么我还是常常很寂寞呢？没有人能告诉我而我自己也不晓得。

朋友是永远的吗？或者只是短暂的？

这个问题没有一个很肯定的答案，因为世界变化无常而人们也跟随它在改变。

朋友可以在这一刻是你的朋友，但可能下一刻是你的敌人。

当有人说某人是我的好朋友，我很相信他。很可笑吧！这么肯定吗？

我应该相信我的朋友或好朋友吗？我不知道

也很害怕相信，只因我害怕受伤害。

我可以承担朋友给的伤害吗？我不晓得。

我有几个朋友？好朋友？

很难回答吧！我自己也不知道。

你是我的朋友或是好朋友？你把我当成什么？

我当你是好朋友的同时，你是不是也待我如此？在你心中我只是朋友吧。

谁是我的知己？应该没有吧。谁是我的好朋友？也没有吧。我不知道。

直到今天，小学同学的脸蛋和姓名，是不是还能清澈烙印你的脑海？还是那色彩缤纷的儿童节，那无忧无虑的玩乐时光。小学，初中，高中和大学，哪各个阶段最令你怀念？

  最令人怀念的时光，回想起来，往往只剩浮光惊影，单调重复的情节早已被岁月风干或过滤掉，但偏偏，这浮光惊影之中，总有一些什么，会植于脑海深处，一生挥之不散。

  大部分人会回答，我最怀念的时光在高中，怀念那甜蜜的十七岁，那叛逆有理的青春，那渴望飞翔的心灵，那无人了解的纳闷，那暧昧的青涩爱情，那懵懂不识愁滋味的少年时！

  另一部分人最怀念大学时光，怀念那封感人肺腑的情书，怀念那彻夜数星光的浪漫，怀念那结朋呼友逃学的闹剧，怀念那相互取暖的知交，怀念那同甘共苦的日子，怀念再也不会有人紧盯着你啃书的自由。
  每段学习生涯都可能为你留下一生中难忘的美好回忆。很多人的心愿是能回到过去，然而过去不能重来，唯一能做的，是当你身置这些阶段时，用心的过每一天，让日子不留白！！！！！

这是我无意中在星洲日报的副刊看到的。它让我那些埋藏在脑海里的回忆一一浮现出来，有开心的也有伤心的，很难比喻那种心情，但很触动人心！！！有些事情甚至已经渐渐地淡忘了。我觉得当我们渐渐地长大，记忆力也慢慢地衰化，很多回忆不论是美好的还是伤心的或者感人的都渐渐地消失在脑海里。光良的‘少年’很能表达我现在的心情,歌词很白很贴切。世上到底有多少个人真的可以真正地实现他当初的梦想，不被外来的因述干涉而改变呢？？？曾经有人对我说：我们不应该被周围的环境影响自己，反而我们自己应该控制它。这句话直到现在我还不太明白。现在，我们唯一能做的是珍惜身边的所有人、事和物，用心去生活，以免将来后悔莫及。

  Jz 1 to say thank you 2 Sheng~~ hope u r free 2 come into my blog!!! if u dare 2 say not free, har… c wat u will get la!!! i will kill u anyway~~

  Sure dunno y i 1 2 thank u la…. U ni only tau find opportunity 2 ‘cai’ me nia…. how dare u ah…. treat me macam ni!!! tell u y i 1 2 thank u la…. still remember tat nite which i feel very down??? Ppl dah show 2 u that i dun1 2 chat liao but u ah…. keep on kacau me with ur funny words through msn… Omg….

  Nvm la…. tell u t truth la… u r t only 1 that dare 2 kacau me when i was in bad mood…Suddenly i felt that all my frens who normally play jokes n chit chat with me r gone!!! All my frens jz keep their distance from me tat nite…. i also dunno y?? mayb they think that is better 2 leave me alone o they r actually scare that i will throw all my emotions on them??? think is t second 1 la…how sad man!!! But u r different, coz u dare 2 talk 2 me n although u dun really know wat happens on me, ur funny words make me feel better…. Really de la~~~

  Okay la… if i continue 2 say sure got ppl sombong liao de~~ hahahaha…. since u 1 2 look at my tomato face again, lets go 4 a drink next time la…. i belanja la… hahahahahahaha!!!!!

  Yes!!!!Finally i got t job~~~hahahahhahaa….. quite happy 2 know it jz now!!! not jz happy…… is excited!!!! Luckily my dad this morning damn early woke me up, if not i mayb miss t call~~ (know la…. when i’m sleeping whoever dare 2 call me will kena ——–marah) hahahhahaa…..
  Omg….. my panda eyes become darker again!!! know y??? not enough sleep everyday~~ whole week also not enough sleep…… so cham la~~( i think everyday only sleep about 4hrs) know y??? i also dunno le….. some say i’m too bc… but actually i’m not la… damn free till whole day on9…
  Yesterday i slept at 4am… dunno wat hav i done t whole nite… chatting with friends?? no la….. no 1 choi me!!!( t 1 always layan me de also run away at 1am coz 1 2 go watch her new bf’s drama - she is dreaming actually coz not her bf also)  so i jz look around from website 2 websites… This morning my lovely dad came into my room n woke me up~~ Omg…. it’s jz 7.50am….. FORCE 2 wake up coz he wan us 2 accompany him 4 breakfast!!! At last, i hav it in blur blur mood~~ then walk around in pasar…. bought 2 vcd~~ Ya~~ i saw a very CUTE DOG!!!! Golden retriever i think…( my fav~~) A lady holding it like a baby n walk around 2 buy sayur… poor dog la…. (should find me ma…. y with t OLD lady le?) wahahahaha…
  When back home i jz on9 coz later 10am hav 2 bring my sporty bro go Balakong again!!!! always i’m  t driver!!! Nvm la…. i’m damn free anyway!! Then bout 9.40am i received t call ‘private no.’… i’m still thinking who is this stupid buffalo so early called me~~ for sure is wrong no. la… Omg… is t guy call me to inform me that i got t job~~~ wahahahahaha… damn happy but a bit sad coz this means i will b a very bc gal starting from next week till….. when??? UNKNOWN!!!!
  Nvm la….. mayb will kena fire soon la…. coz know la…. me this stupid fellow apa pun tak tau de… jz know makan, cakap non stop ( talk nonsense), n scold ppl!!! Wat also dunno also 1 2 look 4 job~~ hahahahaha…. this is me la… Oh ya!!! if u ask me wat job is tat??? i sure tell u tat AGAIN i DUNNO!!!! he told me jz now but i forgot liao la…. clerk gua… n he ask me 2 look 4 a lady on next week…. but t most terrible thing is…. i forgot her name liao!!! i dunno wat should i do when i go into t company… who should i look 4??? wahahhahaa… so blur also 1 2 look 4 job…Omg…
  Jing, ur bro told me jz now that this company that i’m going 2 work is ur frens aunty de le…. tau which company o not??? t 1 very big de ah near red apple furniture de… watever la…. u sure say dunno de la coz now ur brain jz can keep ‘mayat’ only…hahahaha….All t best in ur exam…. dun miss me ya~~

PS: those who wish 4 a meal from me after i got salary pls go away!!! go further la…. coz i wont belanja de…. no $$ ah… dun find me!!! (especially Sheng ah)

  this is my first job interview since the day i born… if u ask me wat was my feelings afterthat? i will tell u that didnt feel anything~~ it’s jz very normal…. but thats something happens… quite funny~~~

  Lets start from this morning, i woke up at around 6.50am n fetch my mum 2 Serdang area ( near Astro)…. Omg… mayb i’m too late slept on yesterday, i can feel that i’m driving in blur blur mood~~ After drop my mum, i speed back to home coz miss my bed very much!!! i even can feel my car is flying on the road but i dun care coz too sleepy!!!

  Around 12.30pm, as usual back to grandma house hav my lunch. Ate a lot!!! when i very relax n enjoying my heavy lunch, my grandma shocked me with her words… " the aunty ask u 2 call her later n wanna tell u bout t job" she said. i called t aunty( not my relatives but always come 2 our house to offer helps), she told me to go 4 an interview at 2.30pm TODAY!!! Omg…. is TODAY…. i didnt expect it 2 be so fast!!! how?! while i’m in the phone, grandma keep on say go la go la beside me….
  Omg…. i tried 2 say dun want with all kinds of reasons to her coz i’m not well prepared 4 it…but seen like no 1 is listen to me!!! Ok.. fine!!! i go!!! but i cant go with my badminton shorts on me rite??!!!then, i go back home to change a 3 quarter pants n on9 4 a while….

  Bout 2.30pm, i reach the company near by Balakong with another aunty( also wanna get a job)…. is a new company n very very big…(m i looked like a kampung gal??).v went in n a man ask us 2 hav a seat n wait…. then t man bring me 2 t reception to fill in t form… the receptionist ask whether i 1 2 get some job bout office work rather than this factory work…. i said okay!!!but i got scolded coz know y??? hahahahaa…. coz i forgot that i’m here 2 get a job n know wat i’m wearing???!!! the answer is SLIPPERS(my poor little blue japanese slippers).i really forgot 2 change my shoes coz too rush 2 pick t aunty ( know la… i always late de la)hahahahhaa….thats something very funny also… i really dunno y i go back home for coz i jz change my pants n i even forgot bout my t-shirt ( i went there with my sleeping white shirt - those playing webcam with me yesterday should know wat i’m talking about)… Hahahahahaha… Anyway i filled in the form… go up 2 the 1st floor n sit in a small room… 

  1 man around 30yrs old went in(think is manager gua) n t interview started… quite nice la t man…. i didnt fill in wat postion of job which i’m looking for… i jz say watever job la( as long as not TAT KIND then is ok)… sure u all know wats that la… then he say giv me a call if they want me… bout 3 days i think… lets wait la~~ already know my chances is very small coz no working experiences, not permanent job, n the worst is my 1st appearance is bad!!! ( whoever so "ging" as me dare 2 wear slippers n sleeping shirt 2 ask for job???!!!) okay la…. dun want 2 make u laugh liao la….   

Emm….. this is my 1st post n i hav no idea on what to write…. let me think for a minute…. Well, quite happy that i can create my own blog. Actually i’m not in a good mood these few days coz something happens 2 me….. o mayb it’s jz a small little matter but it’s spoilt my mood… jz let this bad mood goes slowly n smoothly out from my mind! hope it will goes off soon!